I got called up to give a very brief book talk in English class today. In case I didn't tell you earlier, the independent reading book I chose was "The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test" by Tom Wolfe. Needless to say, I knew this would be a hell of a talk.

I told them about Tom Wolfe.
I got out the book and I read to them.
I read to them about Kesey's first LSD experience - the kairos - because, after all, it is referred to constantly throughout the book.

Then I thought very briefly about how bad it would be to turn the whole class on to acid...

"So they realized that it wasn't the drugs. It was all in their heads to begin with, and once those doors are open, it's stupid to keep on opening them over and over again. It wasn't the drugs... it never was about the drugs."

I think I did good.

It's good to hear someone like that say in truth that you are trustworthy.

I know I've at least achieved that goal I set for myself.

We've got to take things a day at a time... but that doesn't mean we should never plan ahead.

Radiohead's latest album "In Rainbows" was made available from their website as a digital, DRM-free download, for whatever price you feel like paying. Current estimates on their revenue range from $6-10 million.

It is nice to see a band get more than a dollar per album.

DAMN!

They SAY you are not supposed to internalize things. BECAUSE, they say, THINGS will only sit and get WORSE if you internalize them.

It's BECAUSE when you keep things inside yourself, there is nothing to benchmark them against, so TO YOU, they become all-encompassing and intense, because you are the only one to deal with them, and you have NO point of reference. If you feel a certain way, and you think about it all the time, then it eventually just SWALLOWS YOU UP, and whether it WAS originally a particularly strong feeling or not, it WILL BECOME SO, because you've plugged it up for so long.

WELL. When I'm done using ALL CAPS in that obnoxious manner that people do to emphasize things, I will tell you all about this. I REALLY need to talk to this girl, but I keep blowing it off - obviously, getting "cold feet", as it were, and rationalizing to myself why this is not the time.

This is hard for me because I'm not used to being nervous. I have not been nervous in years. I have not been nervous re: girls for a long time, either. In fact, looking back on how I act basically every day, it would be easy for someone to say that I flirt with every girl I see - and maybe I do, although this is certainly not conscious on my part if it is the case.

So, the upshot of it all is this: at the next opportunity, I am going to seize the day. There simply is no other choice. It's been good to get this all out there; I feel much better.

WHAT HAPPENS TO A DREAM DEFERRED?
You never get a chance with her, that's what.

WHAT IS IT?

It is...

-ABSURD amounts of mental energy, not in any way you ever expected to encounter mental energy

-EVERYTHING IS SO DAMN SHINY

-all the time

-Contraction of the previous here's-what-matters mindset and realization of the structure of your life and the things around you also

-because, at first, the line between ME and YOU, ME and THAT, US and THEM totally disappears and blurs together

-and we exist on so many different planes; it's easy to get lost in your own headspace and TOTALLY FORGET that there is also a PHYSICAL you, which exists in physical dimensions, a TEMPORAL you, which exists in time, and even an EMOTIONAL you... we know about that...

-So how can we effectively divide ourself between all these different versions of ourselves?

-We can stop using bullet points, for one...

I'll tell you all about it later. When things stop shining.

Pax tibi. Rest in peace, David.