Maryland was wonderful. It was one of the most significant points in my entire life. What a period of spiritual development.
After that, I was home for about two days before I left for Doylestown to do some work for my aunt. I made $200 so it's all right, plus I got to play at open mic night and do a lot of fun stuff. We were camping this weekend, which was also a significant spiritual time for me.
What can make me happy in life? I think about it a lot.
"SHE could make me happy," I think. You might not know who she is. It's not important, really. (But if you MUST know, her name is Emily, and I REALLY, REALLY like her. For the record, she invited me to go swing dancing with her tomorrow night.)
You know what? When it comes right down to it, there are many things that could make me happy temporarily... things that could flood me with endorphins and make me feel really, really good... but not for long.
In the long run, nothing is going to make me happy, nothing aside from living my life the way I know I'm supposed to live it.
You know what that means? It means I have to do what I know I'm called to do... but I'm terrified. I think about it at night, and it makes me whimper and curl up in a ball. I'm scared to death, because I know that it's everything I never wanted to do.
Enough about that; I decided that for a while at least, I should follow my dream. I know I'll never be a professional musician, but what's to say I can't take a summer to drive around the country, just my four strings and me, and play wherever I can find a gig? Nothing, that's what. So even if it's just for a few months, I'm going to do what I've been dreaming about for years now: I'm going to be a full-time bass player.
So fuck all this important shit that I'm supposed to worry about, because obviously it all goes on hold during the summer.
